Functional Exhaustion

I posted a bunch yesterday—and wrote a bunch of capsules—so I felt rather well-blogged by the end of the day. Better blogged than I’ve felt in a while, at least as far as Visual Reflux’s more relaxed style goes. The capsules are written—or meant to be written—in that relaxed style. But it also means the only VR topic I’ve got in the queue is the exhaustion one.

I realized the other night I’ve only tried to be energized a few times this year. Meaning going to bed at a decent hour, which is about an hour more than I need because there’s no telling if or how the cats are going to wake me up so I need some padding. But I usually just… accept exhaustion. Welcome it. Use coffee to make it tolerable. I mean, I’ve gotten better. Since we cut out added sugars and going out to eat, it’s extremely rare I’ll need to power nap during a lunch break. And it’s not exercise because I’ve dropped that for other reasons—last year when I was power napping almost my entire lunch, I was training for a marathon so I should’ve had enough endorphins kicking around but nope. I feel like I’ve got this under control.

Functioning while exhausted. Doesn’t seem to be a thing I ought to be doing though. Especially since I have so little pressing on me. Or, at least, I don’t deal with anything pressing on me. My anti-depressant, anti-anxiety cocktail seems to be doing just right, letting me compartmentalize stresses with the best of them. But I also know there is going to be some kind of crash. I got hints of it last week, which was a busy week and all, but not so much I should’ve started cracking the way I did. Unfortunately, there’s only so much I can do—I don’t like busting out the mindfulness exercises I find helpful unless I really need them. They’re to be used when they’ll do the most help, not when they’ll take my mind off something. Anxiety is, of course, much like a virus; it gets vaccine immune the more you vaccinate; which is not to be anti-vax, just to point out you need to stay ahead of the viruses as much as you can and having them break you down is no good.

Vaccinate your kids, you idiots. You might deserve trusting Jenny McCarthy’s medical advice to bring about your destruction but other people don’t.


I’m more aware—now—I’m not just running on fumes but doing whatever I can to keep the fumes going. I’m always putting things on my to do list, liking blocking out time for writing, blocking out time for post research; one of these days I’ll put rest on there.

But not any time soon.

But some day.

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